A Cocoon Of Health Consciousness
I recently lost a client due to her being angry and resentful with me due to a 15 minute change in the time in which I was hoping to massage her.
I had massaged her for almost 5 years and I had always been flexible with scheduling. This time our schedules would not match up so I asked her for a 15 minute time change. She was angry about that, cancelled her massage and also took down her Yelp reviews praising my massages she had done of me months ago. All over 15 minutes.
What does this interaction have to do with my journey with cancer?
I enjoy peace and ease in my life and the interaction with her was not that. The energy coming from her ultimately had me see how much I have not shared how extremely difficult my journey with cancer has been which is why I have set up my life to create health. Which ultimately led to why I have set my boundaries for my business and my life.
Until a person faces a life threatening disease they can never understand what it's like to be ill, truly ill. They can think they understand and say they care. But health and healing are an inside job. Even when you ask God and angels for healing, it's still an inside job because inside you have to be willing to surrender and let God, spirit move through you for healing. You have to be willing to accept that you are healthy. There have been many toxic inner beliefs and toxic energies from other people in which I let myself belief I could not be healthy. That acceptance of knowing health has been my journey on every level for the last few years.
Cancer has transformed me. It has rooted me deeper into myself than I ever would have imagined and it has been the absolute most difficult and beautiful experience I have ever had.
It has brought me deeper into me. Into the beauty of me.
When I was diagnosed in 2012 I felt utterly alone, having set my life up with not having any close friends or family. This was in part to having been sick for a long time before my diagnosis and an intuitive cocooning myself for my health. It is that cocoon that I have been in for many years.
I have chosen to face my illness from within rather than doing what many people do and look outside of themselves for health and healing.
A Journey Into Cancer Land
It's An Inside Job
Sure I could blame it on food, on the environment, on some mystery enigma outside of me that had "made me get" cancer, on boyfriends, on parents etc. But something inside of me knew that while there are factors that can make a person more susceptible to cancer that I ultimately needed to be responsible for my own health and healing.
You see I really wanted to heal and I really wanted to LEARN about cancer. Not what the traditional medicine makes people believe, but what cancer really is. I wanted to learn why I had not allowed myself to be healthy, to feel healthy on all levels.
So began my journey into cancer. Because even though the surgery got my tumor, I knew something in me would have to make a tremendous shift for me to heal. That shifting has been crazy hard because I did not want to see things in me that needed changing. But if I wanted to heal, I knew I had to see them and transform them.
The journey has led me to setting up my life and my business so I can take care of my health because ultimately that has become the MOST important thing in my life.
Not just my physical health, but my mental, emotional and spiritual health as well.
This health meant listening within and being guided to the right people at the right time for what I needed to see and learn. Which included being guided to Dr. Davis in Palo Cedro who has been helping me with nutritional balancing and who also introduced me to PSYCH-K which has had me truly face and re-program how much emotional and mental toxicity I had stored in my mind/body for so many years.
This health also meant letting go of toxic inner beliefs, toxic food, toxic friends, toxic boyfriends and toxic clients too. My energy could only be going to healing myself.
This journey has not been easy because in my case many people were not comfortable talking about it with me because I could always see it brought up discomfort in them.
So I have kept myself quiet for the most part.
That is until now and until this interaction with my client.
I have felt very alone in this journey in the physical realm, yet super connected to the spiritual realm because God and my angels have always been there.
I never really shared what I had gone through in my life and why I had cocooned myself for healing.
In the last 9 years of my life I have been raped twice, physically assaulted, mentally abused, almost died several times, kicked out of my home for being diagnosed with cancer, left a 9 year relationship, had my mother die, had 4 pets die, been betrayed by countless people, been cheated on, been diagnosed with cancer, been re-diagnosed with cancer, been stalked by a very toxic man. Faced tremendous grief at a childhood lost to neglect and sexual molestation. All while running a massage business and having a super intense spiritual awakening.
Why do I put all that out in the open? Because it all led into my cancer and because cancer has shown me what an amazing person I am to have come through all of that and be in the place where I am now.
A Journey Into Health Land!
Where Am I Now?
- Deeply rooted in my trust and love of God.
- Deeply rooted in love for myself.
- Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy
- Deeply rooted in my intuition in my body and what I read energetically from others
- Total knowing that I have been helped in the spiritual realm and guided powerfully
- Absolutely grateful for the wisdom and truth gifted to me.
- Thankful to all the people that got brought to me for my health
- Never had so much energy in my life
- Absolutely in forgiveness at others for all the hurt.
- Absolutely knowing that I deserve love
- Seeing so deeply how resentment, fear and anger can root people in chronic illness and disease.
- Absolutely inspired to understand the depths of the body/mind even more.
- A heart that is open, truly open.
- Grounded in love.
Deeply in love. God brought me someone who has loved me like no one has which has been absolutely part of my healing. To have someone accept me as I am and love me anyway. God brought me someone who wanted to be on my journey with me and did not shrink away to what I was going through inside for health and healing. He has just loved me through all of it.
Remember how I said I had to listen and see what I needed to learn?
That I am loveable is one of the biggest things I needed to learn. God brought me someone to show me that. All my inner work has helped me accept and allow that. That is also where I am now, being loveable is deeply rooted in my body/mind. No one could ever take that away. I wish for everyone to be rooted in that in their body/minds.
Not rooted in bitterness, anger and resentment, but rooted in love and being loveable.
And it was that interaction with that client that truly taught me that. So I owe a thank you to her for helping me see that. And I pray love to her.